Making the Best of it all

Ever have one of those days when your soul stirs up emotions and images that you had either forgotten or didn't even know still existed?...Had one of those days.....I won't go into the details because I want to maintain some sense of privacy but lets just say I felt the ground shake today. Stuff piling up. Emotions asking for their due.... Emotions can be repressed....but....only for so long...eventually they will demand their due...and when they do.....you better pay up....or you may pay a steep price later....Today I decided to give my emotions their due. Even payed homage to fear which is an emotion I usually prefer to ask to come back another day. Don't know what all this means....if anything...but was reminded that "there is only the present, there is only what is at hand".....Also was reminded...."Let the feelings rise....feel it....And when it begans to hurt, don't move to action to remove it....particularly at all cost....if you learn to stay with your feelings, particularly the nasty ones...they will pass without your needing to act....easier said than done...painful feelings are difficult to face and we'd rather not feel them if at all possible. So we get busy. We substitute action for contemplation"....In the end I survived another day. Even found time to be productive today which often can be very difficult under such stressful circumstances. Even found time for my daily hike and running errands and cooked myself a pretty damn good meal if I may say so myself. Nothing has been resolved but not feeling too bad at the present and feel like maybe me and my"shadow of fear" that has always stalked me are learning to get along. Don't expect us to ever become bosom buddies but who knows maybe we can learn to co-exist together. Would settle for co-existence. Figure he's been landlord long enough. He may not like but he may not have any other choice considering I have gradually figured out some of his tricks... I guess one of the hardest parts about dealing with fear is the unpredictability of it all. He's a rude guest. Never knocks. Doesn't call before he comes over and never asks for permission to come. Just bullies his way through the front door.... it appears we may have to accept him as he is because it doesn't appear he is ever going to change....for nobody.....it's his nature....he wouldn't be fear otherwise....so I guess maybe it's time to just pull up a chair next to him and make the best of it all....don't see any other options...do you?.....have tried kicking him out of the house time and time again but he keeps coming back....If you have a better proposal, I'm all ears.......Bilbo