The End of an Era

The day Francis Schaeffer died of cancer was a very sad day for me…..I cried…. I cried because for years Schaeffer was my “intellectual and spiritual mentor” and now I felt all alone. During the “Schaeffer years” I had no local religious mentors despite the fact that I was very active in church on numerous fronts. I am not sure all the reasons why I was unable to make any local connections but suspect it had something to do with the fact that I was in a very different place in my spiritual journey than the Christians I fellowshipped with on a regular basis. The Christians I interacted with at this time in my life were predominately pietistic leaning Evangelicals who emphasized evangelism, Bible Study, prayer, and issues relating to family life. My interests in philosophy, history, art, culture, etc. were not the kind of subjects that were frequently or seriously discussed in my local church therefore I found myself gradually feeling alienated from the local church.

Flirtation with the Reformed Tradition

Schaeffer not only helped open up the world of art and culture but he introduced me to the Reformed tradition and after his death I began reading the champions of the Reformed tradition, Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, Erasmus, Jonathan Edwards and the Puritans. By the end of my serious flirtation with the reformed tradition I became somewhat of a lay expert on the history of the Reformation which probably furthered cemented my growing eccentric reputation with my evangelical friends and community. Eventually my studies led me to the modern era where I explored the writings of modern Calvinists. Most people associate Calvinism with the Sovereignty of God, election, theological hairsplitting, and the writings of popular Calvinists like R.C. Sproul, Boice, and reformed popularizes like James Kennedy. My flirtation with modern day Calvinism had little to do with conservative, traditional reformed issues or the likes of Sproul. I was drawn to the Dutch Calvinist, liberal leaning tradition which made it’s home in places like the Free University of Amsterdam, The Christian Institute of Toronto and Calvin College in Grand Rapids Michigan. My initial interest in Dutch Calvinism came about because of the writings of C.T. McIntire Jr. of the Christian Institute in Toronto. In an effort to prepare myself to teach history from a Christian perspective I began reading McIntire because he is considered one of the most respected Christian Historiographers in the world today and it was during this time that I was introduced to the writings of historian George Marsden. Marsden is considered one of the leading experts in the world on the history of Modern Fundamentalism/conservative Evangelicalism. Marsden played an important role in my journey because Marsden’s books, Fundamentalism and American Culture and Understanding Fundamentalism and Evangelicalism examine critically the “ideology” behind the Evangelical/Fundamentalist subculture. I had encountered a critical examination of Fundamentalism before in the writings of Schaeffer but Schaeffer and, particularly his son Franky, were ”loosely” aligned with the politics and ideology of the Christian Right which probably helps explain why he was so popular with the likes of Farwell and their followers. Marsden is also important because he introduced me to other religious and political Fundamentalist critics like Dutch Calvinist Bob Goudzwaard and Mark Noll. Their writings were critical to my journey because they seriously challenged my allegiance to the Christian political right and it was now only a matter of time until I would abandon and exile myself from the conservative Christian “ideology driven” subculture forever but that wouldn’t happen for years to come….because…..it is not easy to abandon and leave something that has been at the center of your life for so long.

Cracks in the dam

I spent the next couple of years reading and reflecting on a significant number of books written by Calvinist writers from Europe, Canada, and Calvin College. All of this reading and reflecting had a profound effect on my thought and my interpretation of the Christian subculture I had called home since I became a Christian in the late 1970’s and by the time I finished this part of my journey I could no longer honestly call myself a Fundamentalist/conservative Evangelical even though I still attended fundamentalist churches on the local level with my wife and family. This major shift in my thinking was not limited to some abstract aspect of my life because it signified the beginning of some serious personal challenges and problems on a number of different fronts. One of these fronts included the church. At one time I enjoyed a certain amount of celebrity status amongst my fellow Evangelicals. This “celebrity” status included guest appearances on local Christian radio, public speaking engagements , teaching opportunities, etc., etc…but as my theology and perspective began to change so did my ministry opportunities and this became increasingly frustrating because I really didn’t understand why because nothing was ever said to me explicitly about my views and the direction I was going. I also suffered during this time from a significant amount of cognitive dissonance which was extremely difficult to process because I had no face to face religious mentors on the local level. I also became increasingly critical of the local Christian subculture which didn’t help either. The home front wasn’t much better although at the time I didn’t see it because my ex-wife is a very introverted person who tends to repress things, but eventually I came to understand that the more I evolved and changed the more my wife became insecure of our relationship. My now ex-wife grew up in a fundamentalist home, attended fundamentalist churches, and graduated from Biola University which is considered one of the bastions of Fundamentalism on the West Coast. Personally I can’t relate to what my wife was going through at the time but I now suspect her insecurity became acute at some point because the devout fundamentalist man she had married was changing into something she did not understand and from her fundamentalist perspective she must of interpreted these changes as sure signs of classic backsliding….and…..something she hadn’t anticipated when we made our vows many years earlier.