Just got off the phone with my aunt who has been taking care of my mom in Northern California since October and the news regarding her current health does not sound too optimistic. Although a final diagnosis has yet to be determined the news I received sounded like there may not be too much they can do for her at this point. I still have to wait and see what happens but I was confronted for the first time that she may be entering the final stage of her life. Just the thought that she may be entering the final stage of this life has brought deep sorrow since my mom and I were very close. She raised me by herself since I was twelve and I became her primary caretaker for two and a half until I could no longer take care of her last October. I still live in her house and was hoping she could come back at least one more time to visit this summer if her health allowed. I’ll probably go visit her this week-end with my two sons. In the meantime my prayers are with my mom and I would like to close with a prayer and a few words of gratitude to the only person who has always been there for me in this world.
Mom, although I can’t be with you at this time my spirit is with you and may my spirit and the spirit of God comfort you and give you hope at this time when I know you are in a lot of pain. I am looking at your picture on my mirror as I write this prayer and I just want you to know that you will always be in my heart and my soul and I will never forget you as long as my spirit lives in this world and the world to come. I would like to close with a few words of gratitude for all that you have meant to me over the years.
Thanks for adopting me when apparently no one else wanted me. Thanks for all the sacrifices you made to allow me to go to college and become the first person and still the only person from our family to graduate from college. Thanks for allowing me to become an independent person. Thanks for taking me in while I was going through my divorce and thanks for not judging me for my failed marriage. Thanks for getting on a bus and coming all the way to Oregon to see me graduate when I know it was a real hardship for you. Thanks for the ten dollars here and the twenty dollars there you sent me during my college years at a time when I lived on the edge financially from one month to the next for four years. Thanks for helping me buy my first car. Thanks for always have something to eat when I came over to visit. Thanks for going up north to live when I could no longer take care of you this past October. Thanks for allowing me to continue to live in your house as I try to get back on my feet again after my divorce during the most difficult time in my adult life. Thanks for your love, thanks for all your sacrifices, and although you never finished high school and never had much money you gave me what money can’t buy and that is your love and for that I am forever grateful in this world and the next…..Your son…..
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2 comments:
Those are beautiful thoughts, Bilbo. My hunch is that even as you express these sentiments from a distance, at some level, your mom knows and understands how you feel, and loves you right back.
I hope you can read this beautiful gift of love to your mom over the phone. She deserves to hear her "Well done" from her son. So beautiful and just what every mother wonders - does he know what I gave up for him because I loved him that much?
You are such a dear person, Bill. Now I know where that sweetness comes from.
Julie
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