Is this all there is?

I've been sitting with these thoughts and feelings for awhile now and truth be known this is something that never really goes away but reappears from time to time and most of the time I suspect I just push it into my subconcious where it remains until it gains the motivation and strength to claw its way back to my consciousness .... Recently I catch myself asking, is this all there is? Getting up and going to work, eating, sleeping, spending time with family, friends, and loved ones, going on vacation each summer, and occasionally reading a good book from time to time? Feel like something is missing or is wrong. Sometimes I even wonder if I am just playing games with myself. It's hard to put a finger on anything concrete. Part of me, my realistic, intellectual side suggests that my feelings are due in large part to the season of life and the circumstances I find myself in. I have two sons in high school, I drive almost two hours back and forth to work each day, and living on my own I have to cook, clean, do laundry, run my own errands, etc. etc., without very little help and most folks in my situation would probably feel the same way.....but.......my Jungian, pop psychology, self aware ego suggests my soul is crying out for me to listen to my heart, take some risks, and don't be afraid to make some significant changes. Maybe even explore doing some things that would be considered rediculous or beyond the scope of common sense by the majority. These kind of thoughts pass through my stream of conscious from time and while I generally don't act upon them, most of time, they always find a way to pop in and out of my head on a semi-regular basis.......

Over the past year and particularly the past couple of months I have made some significant changes and have taken some risks. I have moved to a new school and did recently purchase a significant amount of new furniture in an effort to improve my depressing living situation. I have also made some recent changes that include joining a book club, getting to bed earlier, and learning to say no to requests for my time from others. As important as these changes have been I still feel something is missing. Either not sure what it is at the moment or perhaps lack the courage/motivation to confront the reality before me???......As I look into my future in the years to come I also struggle with the choices before me and oftentimes many of the choices don't seem too appealing. ....and....wonder if I just need a different perspective on the realities of my life or am I unable, at this time, to grasp or see alternatives that are yet to be revealed.....Part of me says that what I feel are simply a reflection of the times we live in. Rising cost of living, war, natural disasters, and an ever increasing micro managment at work are enough to depress even the most well adjusted individual......Whatever is going on it will probably become clearer in the weeks and months to come, because that's the way life seems to operate. It's seems to be the way universe operates. Sometimes I kinda wish I wasn't so sensitive to what is going on inside. Most folks appear to just suck it up and go on with life. But lack of self awareness isn't particularly appealing to me either. Side effects are potentially dangerous to self and others. I guess all we can do is chug on, batten down the hatches when we need to, and pay attention to our souls and our hearts. Life is a marathon, life is hard, and these are in many ways difficult and strange times we live in......