Psychotherapist and author David Richo has written a handbook on the topic of psychological and spiritual integration. I found his chapter entitled Declarations of A Healthy Adulthood informative and helpful. Here are a few of the goals and behaviors Richo associates with a being a healthy adult. This list is not meant to be exhaustive but “I” do find it thought provoking and worth considering.
1.I cherish my own integrity but do not use it as a yardstick for other’s behavior.
2. When change and growth scare me, I still choose them. I may act with fear, but never because of it.
3. I grant myself a margin of error in my work and relationships. I release myself from the pain of having to be right or competent all the time.
4. I live by personal standards and at the same time----in self-forgiveness----I make allowances for my occasional lapses.
5. I give without demanding appreciation though I may ask for it.
6. I am not entitled to be taken care of by anyone or anything.
7. . I love unconditionally but set sane conditions and limits on my self-giving.
8. I accept that it is normal to feel that I do not always measure up.
9. I let go of blame, regret, vengeance, and the infantile desire to punish those who hurt or reject me.
10. Until I see another’s behavior with compassion, I have not fully understood it.
11. I reconcile myself to the limits on other’s giving to me and on my giving to them.
12. I accept that I may never feel I am receiving—or have received—all the attention I seek.
13. I trust that “darkness and upheaval always precede an expansion of consciousness.
14. I let people go away or stay and am still okay.